Comments on: Alexis Stewart Wants To Be a Mother

By: mary

mary — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:39:50 +0000

I’m struggling with infertility and it is extremely difficult and heartbreaking. I have an aunt who did IVF at 45 and had twins (she got pregnant the first try). I am 40 and just had a failed IVF cycle with my own eggs. I told my doctor about my aunt and he told me he doubts she used her own eggs.

Me and everyone else in my family assumes she used her own eggs. I feel betrayed by my aunt for not being honest with me about her experience. Before my IVF cycle, I called asked her about her IVF cycle, how many eggs they retrieved from her, etc. I guess she lied to me. She made up this whole story about how many eggs were retrieved, how many fertilized, etc, when really she must have been talking about what happened with her donor. It set up unrealistic expectations for me.

But I really feel bad for her twins (a boy and a girl). They will probably never know. They are 12 years old now and don’t look anything like us. The girl is angry at her mother for other reasons, mainly because my aunt ignores her and her brother. It is a really sad situation. (It doesn’t change my love for them; they will always be my cousins.)

I’m glad Alexis Stewart is being open and honest about her experience. Women need to know so that they have realistic expectations. I just hope that if she has a child or children, that she doesn’t ignore them and gives them all the love and attention they need.

By: money lady

money lady — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:54:40 +0000

I am certain that she is unaware how insulting and hurtful her comments are to those of us whose lives have been blessed and enriched by a child with Down syndrome or any other special need. —–

Insulting how?

She just wish’s to be fair and not bring a child into this world that is already dysfunctional!

Yes if one is blessed with a DOWN CHILDL then they have a responsibility to it.

But to deliberately create one and satisfy a LOOK AT ME I AM A SAINT BECAUSE I AM A CARETAKER OF A CHALLENGED CHILD.. Is a bunch of hula.

Why say “I love you but then sleep in anothers bed??
Face it do you ever ask the question why me GOD?

Ayn Rand.” I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

Life is not a rehearsal……

By: women4women

women4women — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 04:41:37 +0000

Having read most of the above comments, I was saddened to see how many women who desire the same thing – motherhood, could be so misinformed and judgemental. We should be supporting one another, not bashing each others every move. If you have never experienced infertility, you really should not judge a person on their personal choices. Alexis did a lot of women a favor by being honest. The media gives women mixed messages and then they are left to feel as if their own choices in life are somehow punishable. If someone wants to use a donor egg/sperm it is wonderful that the choice exists. If you choose to adopt, awesome. If you are lucky enough to have biological children, please love them well. I believe most women that face infertility never look back once a child enters their world, and they love and appreciate those children more than they could ever express.

By: Alexis Stewart Continues Fertility Treatment

Alexis Stewart Continues Fertility Treatment — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 17:28:42 +0000

[...] I first posted a story about Martha Stewart’s daughter Alexis Stewart’s bid to be a mother, the response was [...]

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 22:23:39 +0000

Doing PGD and electing not to transfer chromosomally abnormal embryos is to me somewhat similar to choosing, for example. not to marry a man who has brain damage following a stroke. If a man comes into your life and you marry him, you will learn to cope post-stroke because you have made a commitment to him. But you probably wouldn’t have chosen to commit to a man with brain damage to begin with. But knowing you are high risk and doing PGD to discard chromosomally abnormal embryos is like not marrying the brain damaged man. If you do carry a child and give birth and commit to it, you love your child and honor that commitment to it even if it does have chromosomal/genetic abnormalities. It is ok though to know your embryo has genetic abnormalties and choose not to implant. It is OK to choose to never even begin down that path. Granted, you may find yourself on that path regardless, but it is ok for it to not be your choice.

Please excuse the ramble. I don’t think it is fair to sit in such harsh condemnation of women who choose PGD. A chromosomally abnormal embryo is likely to not even develop properly once implanted and end up miscarrying. If I am spending a small fortune on doing IVF and PGD will help increase the odds (which is open to doubt but that is another conversation) of bringing a baby home with me in nine months, I am wholeheartedly all for it.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 20:34:32 +0000

Lora,

I applaud you for your well written response to all of the posts above. Not only were you able to educate posters with “improved” terminology but you were able to express your opinion without sounding self-righteous or name calling. More posts should be as well thought out as yours.

Bravo!

By: Philippa

Philippa — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 12:38:51 +0000

Taylor remarked that a donor ‘obviously did not want to be located to be a father’. How exactly would she know? I wish she would do some research. In the UK a register has been set up to help donors and half siblings contact each other if they are matched by DNA testing. A third of those on the register are donors. Given that many donors donated hundreds of times, this shows that a greater proportion of donors to donor conceived adults are wanting to find out more. I have been told that many of them have had qualms with what they have done as they have grown older and thought about their children growing up. Everything Taylor says about donor conception is factually incorrect as she is speaking from her her own limited viewpoint without regard to the truth.

By: Deb

Deb — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 14:32:29 +0000

Thank you Lora for saying that so beautifully!!! I sat up last night after writing my last comments and came up with almost exactly the same things. It’s a shame that there are still people in this world living in a bubble not affected by our special needs children. They would soon realize it really is a gift and not “a cross” or “a burden”. It may sound simplistic and naive….but it is true. Sami is a blessing for our family and I wouldn’t change her for one moment. She plays, she laughs, she cries and most importantly….she loves. What more would you want for your child? Stop seeing the negatives and realize you may be letting a beautiful thing pass you by. It’s unfortunate for you that you just don’t get it.

By: Lora

Lora — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 14:00:09 +0000

WOW, it is obvious this is a topic about which many have very definite views. After reading Jessica’s post a week or so ago, I wanted to respond but didn’t know how to word my response. Now, I feel even more strongly about responding so here it goes…

First, I think that people (and obviously fertility doctors) need to be educated about using terminology that is less harsh and less offensive. Think about it “normals”, “healthy”, “abnormal”-how demeaning. The more acceptable terms for children are “typically developing” and a “child with a disability, or a child with Down syndrome-the emphasis should always be on the child, not the disability. So, how about saying “typically developing eggs” vs. “atypically developing eggs”-much less harsh. Semantics, yes, but also much more…..

Another semantic, saying you want a child more than anything is great. However, if you are prescreening your eggs, then say what you want “I want a child with no known genetic disorders more than anything.” (I’m sure this will result in some angry posts but it’s true, isn’t it?).

Next, in regard to the testing for genetic disorders prior to implantation, I do personally feel very strongly that this is morally wrong, and a form of genocide (and I know many of you will disagree with me). I also think it is discriminatory. We are discriminating against those who have a way of being prenatally diagnosed and deciding for them that they are not worth bringing into this world. There is SO much to learn from these children and life can be so wonderful if we allow it to be.

I would also like to point out that there are no tests for autism, cerebal palsy, etc. So all of those “normals” may in fact turn out to be “abnormal”. Then what? Then will you cast them away, put them up for adoption? Of course not, they are your child. You will love them, fight for them and fight for the rights of those with disabilities. So why not do that from the start????

For all of those parents of children with a disability, I applaud you and respect you for fighting for their rights (and yes, as you may have guessed, I am one of them).

By: Deb

Deb — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 03:55:33 +0000

I am writing because so many of the comments have been disturbing to me in so many ways. As a mother of 3 BEAUTIFUL and HEALTHY children I cannot imagine deciding if I wanted them if they were not my definition of normal. I had my first child at 34, my second at 37 and my third at 40. In none of these pregnancies was screening for “normals” an option for me. I wanted children and I wanted what God’s plan was for me. I now have a 7 year old son, a 4 year old daughter and a 19 mo old daughter….who happens to have Down Syndrome. Did I cry when I was told she had Downs in the hospital. I won’t lie…yes I did. But in only 19 mos I have come to realize that those tears were not needed. Samantha is healthy and happy and shows us more love and affection than anyone I have ever seen. My other 2 children embrace her with a kind of acceptance and love that you rarely see in siblings. They also so such an outpour of love for other children with special needs.

Will my daughter ever drive? Will she go to college? I don’t know these answers. Am I guaranteed these answers with Joey and Kerilyn??? There are no written guarantees stamped on our children’s butts. And they certainly aren’t stamped on your “normals” that you speak of. What’s to say they won’t have autism or ADHD or depression or have eating disorders….should I go on? Are these things detected in your “normals”? Does this mean you will not want them?

My prayer is that one day a mother who’s child is born with Down Syndrome will not cry, but will embrace her newborn as any other and realize what a gift she has been given. ALL children are gifts from God and ALL children deserve to be given the chance to show the world what they can do. Watch out! Because my little Sami is going to be out there showing off her talents in no time and I’m going to be right there beside her….just as I will with her brother and sister!